发信人: aeoncd(我爱雷锋)
整理人: zyztarzan(2002-09-18 00:35:11), 站内信件
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A boring old man in a street...
「Hellow！Are you free？」
「No,but I'm cheap！」
２．X Power
It was just this kind of light.
This kind of light.
And I saw it.... I saw the disk.
It came closer and closer.
A ray of light passed by me.
I don't know what was going on.
Was it a UFO?
Did a extra terrestrial give this to you?
Did you drink it?
What did it taste like?
I don't remember.
I just woke up and drank it.
Anyway, it's nothing special.
Drink this isn't going to make it rain.
Unimaginable power
X Power
３．Lovers' Quarrel
Mary and John have had a lovers' quarrel and they have not seen each
other for two days.
Mary is sitting moodily, staring out of the window when the phone
rings. It's John.
"I am coming over to your house tonight," John says.
"Oh no you are not!" says Mary.
"And I am going to throw you on the bed," John says.
"Oh no you are not," says Mary.
"And I am going to tear off your clothes," says John, "and make love
to you!"
"Oh no you are not!" says Mary.
"And," says John, "I am not even going to wear a condom!"
"Oh yes you are," say Mary.
４．Microsoft car
Eight Ways Life Would Be Different If Microsoft Built Cars-
1. We'd all have to buy Microsoft gas.
2. The U.S. Government would be getting subsidies from an automaker.
3. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replace
by a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
4. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
5. You could only have one person in your car at a time, unless you bought
Car '95 or Car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats.
6. Occasionally, your car would die for no reason, and you would have to
restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this
as normal.
7. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you would have to buy
a new car.
8. People would get excited about the new features in Microsoft Cars,
forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands
for years.
５．Jokes and Riddle
A panda goes into a bar and says "Give me some food, quick!"
The bartender gives him the food and he wolfs it down.
Then he gets up, takes out his gun, and shoots the piano player.
He turns to leave, and the bartender yells,
"What's up? You come in, demand food, eat it up,
shoot my piano player and
leave without paying?"
The panda says, "I'm a panda; look it up."
"What do you mean, look it up?", asks the bartender.
"Just look it up."
So the bartender gets his dictionary and looks up panda.
And he reads,
"Panda: Bearlike mammal of China and Tibet. Eats shoots and leaves."
６．I will be back
One day , two sisters played in the downtown.
Because they were so happy that both of them forgot the time.
Sudddenly,they saw the watch,they found it was too late to go
home by bicycles in the big street,so they desided to rided
the cobble road they never rided,because the road was too hard
for riding.When they were in the robble way,the robble made them
vibrated.The little sister said ' I don't know this way,it looks
strenger ! ' The big sister said 'Yes ,we never come this way !'
７．The woman
With a women...
一个女人
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
如果你亲她，那你就没有绅士风度
If you don't, you are not a man
可是如果你不亲她，那你就不算男子汉！
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
如果你赞美她，她会认为你只是在奉承她
If you don't, you are good for nothing
但要是你不赞美她，那你就一无是处了！
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing
如果你对她的话完全同意，那她就会跩的像二五八万
If you don't, you are not understanding
要是你不同意，那就表示你根本不了解
If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'
假如你把气氛控制的很浪漫，你就一定是情场老手
If you don't you are half a man
如果不是，那你根本还不够成熟
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
如果你太常去找她，她会觉得烦腻
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing
但是如果你不去找她，她会责备你欺骗她的感情
If you are well dressed, she says你要是穿的帅一点，她会说你是花花公子
If you don't, you are a dull boy
穿的破烂点，那你又是笨头笨脑的家伙
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
如果你吃醋，她会说这样是不对的
If you don't , she thinks you do not love her
可是如果你完全不吃醋，她又会认为你根本不爱她
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
你如你试图对她调情，她会认为你不尊重她
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
但要是你一直规规矩矩的，她又会觉得你不喜欢她
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
你若是迟到一分钟，她会抱怨等的多累多苦
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
要是她自己迟到了，她会说女孩子约会迟到是理所当然的
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
如果你去找你的朋友，她会说你像跟屁虫
If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'
如果是她，她会说"喔，这很自然啊，女孩子都是这样"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
如果你飞快的吻她一下，她会到处说你这人很冷漠
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage
如果你吻太多了，她会大叫说你吃她豆腐
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
如果你过马路的时候没有照顾她，那你这人缺乏道德
If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics
要是你小心照顾她过马路，她又会说这是男人的花招
If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting
你若是凝视某个女人，她会指责你是在调情
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring
如果是其它男人瞪着她看，她会说他们只是欣赏而已
If you talk, she wants you to listen
如果你跟她说话，她希望你只要听就好
If you listen, she wants you to talk
如果你只倾听，她又要你跟她说话
Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN'
上天啊，你创照了这些叫做女人的生物
So simple, yet so complex
既简单又复杂
So weak, yet so powerful
如此柔弱，却又如此强悍
So confusing, yet so desirable
让人又恼又爱
"O LORD, tell me what to do. AMEN"
神啊，请告诉我该怎么做。阿门！
８．A waiter and a customer
In a restaurant,
Customer : " come on, waiter! take this soup!"
Waiter : " What's wrong with it,sir?"
Customer : " come on ! take this soup!"
Waiter : "Is it too hot ,sir?"
Customer : "come on! come on! take it! "
Waiter : "Is it cold,sir?"
Customer : " coome on ! just take it!"
Waiter : "ok,ok! I'll take it! but where is the spoon? "
９．Professor
A professor in a university require his students:
"Question Everything!!"
A student ask:"Why?""
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