发信人: scrupulous((晓鲭）)
整理人: roy_young(2002-03-26 17:58:02), 站内信件
|
the two graphs focus on the phenomenon of people's going abroad in
----------
the last 20 years in (the) big cities in china. the first graph
shows the percentage of per thousand of people in chinese big cities
going abraod between 1980 and 1999 in relation to the annual period,
-------------( based on annual period?)
and the second graph indicates the constitution of those people,
namely the percentage of artists, athletes ,college
（，）
students,college teachers , doctors and scientists.
as can be seen from the first graph,percentage of per thousand of
(As seen? ) (the) (of还要？）
people going abroad changes as time passes in a roughly upward
（have been changing? my opinion "have been rising ?)
trenency.for example, it rises sharply from 1 percent to 3.8 percent
(rose?)
during the period 1985-1990. another sharp increase occurs during the
(occured?)
1995-1999 period,when the proportion climbed from 2.6 percent to 3.5 percent.generally speaking,this increase mainly stems from the fact that China's open-door policy, which encourages the cooperation wih
(这里用限制性定语从句比较好？）
other countries and of course lead to the rise in the number of
（led?)
people going abroad.another important reason is that with the great
(factor?) (,?)
development of china's economy in the last two decades,people's living stadards improve greatly.in other words,people have more and
(have been improved?)
more money to enjoy their life and going abroad is no longer luxury for people in china,especially those citizens in chinese big cities.
(for?)
among those people who went abroasd during the period 1989-1999,artists make up most of them followed by athletes.college
(made?) (,?)
students and teachers account for 8 percent of the total,and compared
(accounted?) (.)(Compared ?)
with the major four groups,proportion of doctors and scientists is relatively small.
there are many reasons for this proportion.one of the most important reason is that art and sport interflow between china and
(exchange?)
western countries develop quickly in recent years, and this is also
(have developed?)
due to the open-door policy held by the chinese goverment.another
(implemented?)
reason is that college students and teachers often go abroad for further study and research.they can have better understanding about the high education and improve their knowledge about their
major,moreover it will help widen their horizen.as for the
(majors?)(.Morever) (horizons? visions?)
scientists,on one hand, the advanced technology in developed
(不要？） （technologies?)
countries appear very attractive for them.on the other hand the development of china's science research also draws other nations' attetion, so more chinese scientists are invited to cooperate with
(therefore?)(more and more?)
their colledges to do research work.
in my opinion,the increase in the number of people going abroad will bring us benefit.china is no longer isolated from the world family and we not only want to learn about others but also want others to konw us.with chinese people going abroad more often and frequently,other countries will know more about our country and people.it is also very important to learn advanced technology in develped countries,which will greatly speed up the steps of china's moderlization.
(modernization)
我看完这篇文章之后，给了一点个人意见，希望有所帮助。这好象是雅思A类的写作的FIRST TASK。
总的感觉是条理清楚，有根有据。但在用词、转折以及连接方面还要注意。此外，原图是千分比，用percent的时候是不是要转化一下？
请指教
|
|