发信人: evilangelakasha(丽蒂雅)
整理人: imstella(2001-01-14 19:26:59), 站内信件
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I walked down the Dixie Gates with my hands in my pockets. The freezing
winds hurt my cheeks. The tender rain clang to my hair, my blonde
shining angelic hair. I wanted to weep at the sight of the moon.
I wanted to go knock on Louis's door. I wanted to see his little
house rebuild after my fire. To see him, to have him in my arms.
After the hush words I said to him, I could not hate him.
I turned my head to see the church. The weary shape of it looked
exactly like it always has been. The gas light on the street
brightened the maple leaves. I heard my cowardice and meaningless
threats echo in this place.
But was he not right? That I was born a fiend; that I do not want
to be an angel, not even human. Just be satisfied with this little
demon that I am, The one who has this vicious smile and desperate
attempt and the guts to triumph. I thought of my Louis,
my beautiful stubborn Louis. How I wanted to see him!
Someone was singing inside my mind. Some memories flashed my
trembling heart. As I looked up at the moon, the moon that
inherited the light of the sun, My mind drifted out of my
body. In my own bewilderment I saw a thin little body standing
on top of the stairway, looking down at me with her immense eyes,
golden hair streamed down her little shoulders.
My Claudia, my sleeping beauty!
She haunted me for centuries.
Some sound stepped from behind. Some creature approaching.
Some love passed me like electrical shocks. I felt a hand on my
right shoulder. A composed voice whispering: "Lestat!"
Slowly, I turned to him. His black hair mingled with the gentle
rain; his green eyes glittering with affection; his lips cured
the perfect shape of a tempting smile. His face brightened and
softened with this smile. Excruciating ecstasy passed through
me. I couldn't help to keep back a smile.
I slipped my arms around his shoulder. We stood in the rain
for a while. None of us wanted to talk.
"Lestat, I…"
I made a gesture to stop him from talking. I knew what he was
going to tell me. At this moment, that was absolutely unnecessary.
I was never sophisticated in telling my loved ones my feelings.
Yet I always know they know. We wandered around a little.
"oh," finally he broke the silent, "how I worried about you.
I thought you were leaving me forever."
I looked at him tenderly. Earnest, affectionate, full of
human love. my Louis. I never thought of leaving you.
I brought myself to speak those words: "I will never leave
you. Even I don't say that I love you, but I am happy to see
you. Don't take my composed pretense to be a sign of indifference."
He laughed silently. We walked down the street arm in arm, talking.
"I am sorry that I burnt your house." I said, with my famous
smile, "I guess you will have to come to my apartment and
settle down for a while. You must had a hard time trying
a dig a hole in the forest every morning."
He rose his hand and stroke his loosen hair. His sight fixed
in front of him. Then he said: "Lestat, I have always thought
of reading under the modern lamp. But its just so indecent
to do so."
"Indecent?" I asked amazingly, rising my eyebrow, "how can
such an elegant thing to be indecent. That is absurd!"
Then half teasing, like I always have done, I touched his
shirt: "Ah, Monsieur Pointe du Lac, these old fashioned shirts
and pants. I should really take you to NAVY and buy you one
of these tight jeans."
He smiled back at me. The gentle smile fixed on his
face. How perfect the shape of his upper lip; how beautiful
his exquisite dark eyelashes covering his wild emerald green
eyes. With this heartbroken expression, he leaned forward
and kissed me.
I felt some distant memories flowing into my mind.
I remembered the night I saw him drunken. I saw him lying
in my arms, arguing about the Dark Gift. These sweet memories,
the remarkable 65 years, the blood.
My whole mouth devoured, passionately eaten. The cold,
silken lips pressed against mine. Such a kiss, it tasted like
grape wine and dark blood. The strong slender arms of him
slipped around my shoulders. Suddenly, a hot flow of blood
poured into me. Louis! He had bit his tongue. The blood flowed
between us. Under the oak trees and autumn moon, we mend
like lovers. His hair flied and touched my face with abandon.
The rhyme of his heart beat like a drum. I was weeping.
I saw his closed eyelids in front of me. The rapt expression
on his face made him even more beautiful.
I put my arms around his waist and lifted him with
ease. We were floating on the breast of the wind. The Dixie
Gates span under our feet.
"Come home with me." I whispered at the side of his
ears.
He looked down and clung to me. To north we flied.
Under my hands I felt the warmth of his body. As he looked at
me with his beautiful eyes, I gave him the smile and let us
drift over the moonlight-washed night.
I have always been a demon. I hurt the ones I love,
I put myself in danger. Call it recklessness; call it
impulsiveness; call it evil. Ah I did not care!
We were in my old fashioned apartment. I turned
on the lamp. Two hours before dawn. The passive expression
on his face did not change much. I said nothing but took him
in my arms again.
I knew he was coming back for me. The night I walked
out of the house where my singers slept, I turned off the
alarm for him. No no don't think of it. Its just not time.
Father, am I beautiful to you?
The sound echoed in my head. As I looked away
I saw the shadow standing by the wall.
My fathers, my beautiful companions!
Like a whisper but it was not a whisper. I started
weeping. Choose one, me or Louis. Father, reach out your hand,
and kill me now! For Louis, just like the first time you made
me what I was!
No, I protested. Do I care about vengeance? If
I have already forgiven you, will I punish you? What right
I have to do so if we were to face the eternal flame together!
I heard Louis sigh. He stroked my cheeks.
"Your tears." He said.
I tried to ignore the seductively quality of his voice, but
I could not. I tried to ignore the little vibrant voice but
I could not. I felt love for him. The sun was rising. And I
had to close the curtains.
He was falling asleep. The day was coming, I told myself.
Forget about everything. Everything.
We fell asleep in each other's arms with His arms around my
waist. His hair tangled with blankets. His heart pressed
against mine. the strong, young heart never failed to go on.
My Louis, survived.
Before the sun rose, I surrendered to the drowsiness and
heaviness. My body grew limp and helpless. When the complete
darkness captured me, I heard a voice whispering: goodbye father.
I dreamed of my mortal years with my mortal lover
Nicki. I dreamed of the sea, the bluest sea. My nicki lean in
my arms, his heart beating, his mind lost, his warm body pressed
against my cold marble chest. I sank my fangs in his neck.
The hot blood flew into me. It sounded like melody. Nicki's
violin shuddered with its preternatural rhyme. The expressionless
face of him was full of hatred. His hands lost, as the flame
consumed his beautiful body with his music.
Mortal LOVE! I trembled. How could you seek mortal
love when you weren't worth it! I destroyed lives because
of my loneliness. And that happened again! Didn't it?
Oh, to hell with it. If I were the damned creature,
There would be no heaven or hell. I was the prince of darkness.
Yet I love. No one was to forgive except myself.
When no one could hurt us but ourselves. The dreamlike
sound of Louis echoed in my mind. The genuine whisper shared
as much burden as I had shared.
I cried silently as I sank deeper in my dream. I
could feel the softness of the blanket, the strength of the
arms around me, and the haunted memories. I was floating over
the night. Rise, rise… rise with my beloved Queen, with my Louis.
To see the sun with my own eyes.
The brilliant stars were above me. The sea sang its lullabies
under my drifting body. Stillness of the air suffocated me
with its tender touch. I waved my hands in vain.
The world blurred in front of my preternatural eyes.
Suddenly I was back at the lonely days. The neglected
garden was mixed with this dreadful trace of death.
There may be a shadow standing at the corner.
Is there no end?
When Louis pulled out his hands from my trembling hands.
Is there no punishment? When he walked out of my door.
Is there such thing called answers? For centuries I have
searched, there laid no prospect.
But what were all these anxiety and grief when I knew
that Louis loved me. No, not at all.
I felt a cold arm moved across my chest, a mass of silken
hair brushed my face. The hunger and lust for blood started
running inside of me. Another night had came.
Before I could see the darkened sky and the affectionate eyes
before me, a shadow moved across my heart and went out
forever. The cold lips pressed against my face. I heard
a sign in this vacant space. The past had left behind.
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