发信人: roy_young(風呂中男子)
整理人: roy_young(2002-03-01 19:53:52), 站内信件
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Men's' five most feared questions:
> 1. What are you thinking about?
> 2. Do you love me?
> 3. Do I look fat?
> 4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
> 5. What would you do if I died?
>
>
> What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is
> guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers
> incorrectly
> (i.e.
> tells the > truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is
> analyzed below along with possible responses.
>
> Question #1: What are you thinking about?
> The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I have been a bit
> pensive darling. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
> thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have
> met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true
> answer,
> which most likely is one of the following:
> a. Nothing
> b. Football
> c. Jennifer Lopez
> d. How fat you are
>
> Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who
> once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be
> talking to you"
>
> Question #2: Do you love me?
> The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is
> necessary, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:
> a. Oh yeah, shit loads
> b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
> c. That depends on what you mean by love
> d. Does it matter
> e. Who, me?
>
> Question #3: Do I look fat?
> The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!!" Among the incorrect
> answers are:
> a. Compared to what?
> b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
> c. A little extra weight looks good on you
> d. I've seen fatter
> e. Could you repeat the question?
>
> Question #4: Do you think she is prettier than me?
> Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"
> Incorrect responses include:
> a. Yes but you have a better personality
> b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
> c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
> d. Define "pretty"
> e. Could you repeat the question?
>
> Question #5: What would you do if I died?
> A definite nowin question. (The real answer of course is "Buy a Ferrari
> and a boat") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an
> hour of follow up questions, usually along these lines:
> WOMAN: Would you get married again?
> MAN: Definitely not!
>
> WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?
> MAN: Of course I do.
>
> WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
> MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
>
> WOMAN: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
> MAN: (Makes audible groan)
>
> WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
> MAN: Where else would we sleep?
>
> WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with
> pictures of her?
> MAN: That would seem the proper thing to do.
>
> WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
> MAN: She can't. She's lefthanded.
>
> WOMAN: ...silence...
> MAN: Sh_t.
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